Sleeping In, Illness, Fireworks, and Mindfullness
I've fallen into the lazy routine of break - up all hours of the night and sleeping in until late morning (I won't tell you HOW late; I'll just keep THAT little secret!). Woke up yesterday with a sore tonsil and felt bad all day. This morning discovered some cottage cheese looking "stuff" on it. Naproxen is keeping the pain down, but I see a trip to the doctor to start the New Year - ugg! I always seem to get sick over breaks. It's as if my body says "Hey you! You need to be at work!"
Found out today that most (all?) of my Indonesia travel group are runners. Although I say "I don't run unless I don't think I can win!" fairly often, I admire those that have the will, fortitude, and joints for running. Having had several bouts of pneumonia before I was two and many, many bouts of bronchitis well into my teens, accompanied by severe anemia well into my 30's my lungs don't like to process air that fast. In fact, marching band was tough for me. Marching and playing required more stamina and air than my lungs were capable of. I always ended up breathless and starry eyed. Surgery solved the anemia, but I still haven't picked up the will to run. I think it would be neat, in theory. I love walking outdoors and can do it for hours - when I find the time, but I lack the discipline needed to train for running. I like to take strolls and enjoy the scenery, guess I'll be walking (or biking) while the others run.
Two days before the New Year and the fireworks stands are making bank. My dogs are NOT amused. A local church put on a huge, and by huge I really mean LOUD, show earlier tonight and not to be outdone, several families have tried to "out do" them.
At the beginning of 2016 I had 4 Great Danes and an English Mastiff. Three of the four were 8-10 years old. We lost Apollo (age 10) in March due to a secondary infection, then Ruby (age 8) in May for unknowns reasons, and then Harley (age 10) in November. Harley was extra hard to lose for me, not only because he was my gardening buddy, but because the week before he had been diagnosed with cancer. The tumor was the size of my hand, very vascular, and would need to be shrunk with drugs and radiation before it could be safely removed. We opted to let him go in peace and expected at least another 9 months when he suddenly bloated for no apparent reason. Backing out of the driveway in a rush to get to the emergency vet, I hit a navy blue van on the opposite side of the street parked blocking my driveway, within 15 feet of a fire hydrant, in the shadow of the street light. I kicked my husband out of the car to deal with the "hit-and-run" and sped to the vet. After a quick x-ray it was clear Harley had torsion and would require emergency surgery that would require weeks of recovery if he were going to live through the hour. In the end, I decided to let him go gently even though every fiber of my being cried to fight for him. It was, and still is gut wrenching.
But tonight, for the first time since any of their passing, I'm glad they weren't here. Ruby particularly didn't like thunder, backfiring, or fireworks. From an abusive background, where she was chained to a doghouse and frequently beaten, she didn't like loud sounds, "heavenly noises", swinging arms, or being grabbed by her collar. When we first took her in she would try to crawl under you if she heard loud sounds or "heavenly noises", but over the years, she would run for the bathroom hallway and cower shaking in fear. During big storms I'd often give her Prozac or Benedryl to chill her out. Harley, Apollo, and EOS (age 5) weren't as bad. Harley and Apollo would get clingy and want to be next to you and if they couldn't, they'd hide out in their respective kennel until the "heavenly noises" passed. EOS, well, she's just special. One day soon, I'll tell you all about her, but not tonight. The Mastiff, Selene (age 4) doesn't mind anything. She's fearless unless we are around kids or crowds. Maybe I'll tell you her story too....another night.
Back to the fireworks. I used to love them, but I've grown to hate them. I can only imagine how bad it must be for those with PTSD and those that live with them. I complained on Facebook, voicing my frustration and was called a "old fogy". Prior to writing, I laid here thinking about it and realized how much our actions can (and probably do) affect others in ways we never anticipate. I am certain that I have innocently done things that from someone else's perspective, is viewed very differently than I intended. As you can imagine, house full of 600 pounds of dog going berserk from fear is no picnic, for me or the dogs. It is a scenario that I am certain the person making fun of me doesn't have in their experience bank. It would have been no less fun if my children had still been infants as the shows opened after their bedtimes had long passed. But, it got me thinking - How much of what we innocently do on a daily basis affects others negatively? How do we avoid this? Is there a way to be more mindful, especially when our decisions affect a large portion of the population?
The other day, I needed to run into a store for less than a minute. I was going to be SO quick that I didn't even plan on turning off the car, just run in, hand off what I came to deliver and jet. I drove around the parking lot in the rain, aggravated that I had so much to do but had been side tracked on this errand I had not intended and predictably NO PARKING SPACES COULD BE FOUND, save a handicapped space. So, what would "anyone" frustrated, tired, in a hurry, and aggravated by rain do? Yup, I hopped in the handicapped space, left the car running, bounded the 15 steps into the store, "threw" the item I'd come to delivery to the person, and yelled some words over my shoulder as I bounded back 15 steps to the car. As I pulled away, a girl in her mid-twenties or so, hobbled in on crutches soaked to the skin. I vaguely remember thinking guiltily, "Did I cause that?" as I jetted away. I promised myself I'd do better in the future.
Mindfulness. We all need to be more mindful. I hope that I can learn more about mindfulness of all kinds on this trip to Indonesia. TGC has been teaching me about how we are all interconnected. Being mindful of this will help closer to home and within relationships. I want to be more mindful of the here and now and less frustrated when things don't go as planned. I'm going to practice everyday and see if I can't "live it" while I'm away. This will be especially important as the Indonesian culture is so different from mine and I do want to be respectful and teachable while I'm there. So much to learn before I go!
